ongoing dental saga

I've been laid low the last few days by a pesky bug. I made the mistake of looking in the mirror and saw someone much older than I peering back -- pasty-skinned, wrinkled, with even deeper darker bags below the eyes. It's the anti-narcissal remedy and good motivation to keep swimming once my breath returns.

A while back, I wrote that I was leaving my former dentist, Dr. J. Against much good advice, I wrote him a letter saying we were a "bad match" for each other, outlining three things he'd done right and saying that my leaving came down to "trust and respect". I noted that I'd felt scolded for being afraid in my last session with him. I said that my fear was part of the package I brought with me, and that it had very little to do with him in its origins, but that he was aggravating it. I also said that he was clearly a very good match for other patients and wished him well in his practice.

I kept it all to one page. And he may or may not have read it. If he did read it, he may or may not have understood it. I don't expect to hear from him again. But I did what I felt I needed to do to maintain self-respect, which was to communicate fairly and respectfully.

I also wrote to my hygienest, Leslie, to let her know that I was leaving. She and I clicked from our first appointment together when she was going through life-changing events. Somehow, with my mouth full of instruments, I was able to convey concern and just the right level of response. And now, every time we see each other, we give each other a huge heartfelt hug.

I felt that it was absolutely necessary to write to her and to explain why I'd no longer be a patient. I was a little more direct, saying that I'd been having insomnia, just dreading going back to Dr. J. I mentioned that despite his street sign proclaiming him as specializing in scaredy cats, he was not very good for *this* scaredy cat.

Just this week, Leslie sent me an email saying that Dr. J has been very sick. He has a tumor on his adrenal glands that has been affecting his mood and thus his interaction with his patients. He's struggling through exhaustion just to get through each day.

And you know what? I feel so much better, knowing for sure that his bad treatment of me was not in the least personal. I feel like I did exactly the right thing, which is to stand up for myself in an uncomfortable medical situation and seek care elsewhere. I am so much happier with the even better care I am now receiving.

At the same time, I feel terrible for Dr. J, especially after hearing more from my hair dresser yesterday (OK, yes, I live in a small town), who said that Dr. J is in a fairly desperate position. With no associate, there's a lot of pressure to keep his practice going against some pretty difficult odds.

I hope that with time, Dr. J. will make the right decision for himself and that he will find some healing and peace without too much more suffering.