When Dr. Randy said that Juliet has a lot of chi, I instantly recognized what he was talking about. She has a strong will to live, a lot of life energy.
I was reminded of Mark who kept saying "if I get to such-and-so a point, just put me out of my misery." He said it so often that I, the former suicide hotline volunteer, offered to help if things ever got really bad. But then he'd achieve an end point, and he'd say the same thing with a new goal. A few days before the end, the hospice nurse came to tell him that he needed to say goodbye because his body was shutting down. He said "But I want more time." He pleaded with her, and he lasted long enough so that I could get to his side and spend some more time with him.
That was the first time I was witness to the chi we all have. It is bigger than we are and more powerful. It carries on even when we don't necessarily feel like we can keep going. Clearly, it kept Ed H going this fall, long after his family thought he'd be gone.
So far, the decision about when to help Juliet over that edge rests solely with me. I'm getting lots of advice, all of it helpful. Several people have said "listen to your cat. She will help you know." I've made it my job to listen.
I've spent hours snoozing and lying wakefully next to the cat. There are times when I think she's given up on eating. Her googly eye, while not swollen, is half-shut and weepy. Occasionally, she snaps at whatever's in her mouth. There's been a little evidence of bleeding, though the Chinese herb seems to be helping with that symptom. She sleeps a lot.
And yet, the messages are confusing. She purrs readily when someone pets her. She sits up and acts alert. And earlier, just as I was readying myself to pick up the phone and make The Call, she climbed down from the bed, used the litter box, ate a little, came back into the bedroom, washed herself, and went back to bed. Eating is one thing, but washing? Where does she get the energy?
I'm listening, and I hear a quiet but persistent "not yet, not yet."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Yep, just keep listening.
I had to euthanize an elderly cat with whom I got to share only a few years. She was sick and clearly unhappy. She was at the vet's under care, and when I visited I actually thought she was sedated. Her coat was rough and dull. With the vet I made the decision to euthanize her.
After she died, her coat became smooth and beautiful again. She looked more like herself after than just before. That's when I knew that I had done the right thing.
Even as the music tells us what to do in dance, so will the ancient of days tell you when it's time to go.
Who was it who said, "The secret to a long life is knowing when it's time to go"?
Post a Comment