This morning, before acupuncture, I told the practitioner about the cat; he's been hearing about her for a few weeks, and I thought that some of my experience was relevant (why my joints hurt -- I stood up too much on Friday; why my face feels sore, etc). A few minutes later, while relaxing on my back, needles sticking out at odd angles, I started to feel weepy and leaky. I tried to relax more, though I must admit a few tears were shed.
And this afternoon, I dropped off some human and cat goodies and some thank you notes at the vet's. Of course, there were some great hugs, and some quiet conversation, some nice reminiscing. I felt weepy on my way home. I managed to cut it off when I went into the grocery store; I was on a "business mission," after all. But now that I'm home, my heart hurts again.
It was lovely to see Matt and Randy today, and Stephanie showed up too; Kris couldn't be there. They are such good and caring people with enormous hearts.
I think I need more quiet time, just sitting by myself. I need to let some of this course through me without feeling like I'm a burden on other people. This will get better, I know. But right now, it's very hard.
Later: I just read a posting from Steve Schalchlin, in which he said:
The pain never really goes away, but you learn to live with it. Learning to live with pain is what life is about sometimes. We hold them in our hearts so that they can't really get away, but we live with the knowledge that you can't call them up or hear their voices again.
1 comment:
Well, when you see me you can cry as much as you want.
Sure, take time to be alone. Definitely, let it course through you. But above all, try not to feel like it is a burden to those you're with. Sometimes it may be. But sometimes they will feel it is a privilege.
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