Minor complaint

This has been bugging me for days and I finally decided I had to write about it.

I have this friend S, a member of the dance community. Really, when you talk to him, you visualize the cigarette holder, the fur-trimmed bathrobe, the mule slippers. He can be funny, but also quite awful sometimes.

Recently, his boyfriend C posted a series of facebook blurbs about his grandmother -- that she was in the hospital, that she was not expected to live, that he was traveling back and forth to visit her, that she had died, that he was planning her service. This seemed like an important loss.

I found the obituary in the paper and asked Robert if he could possibly go to the wake without me. He was lovely and gracious and went. C seemed happy to see him, and I *think* appreciated his presence. Robert said he felt awkward, but who wouldn't in a room full of mostly strangers? Yup, it's awkward.

A few days later, I talked to S and mentioned that Robert had gone to the wake. He launched into a diatribe. First of all, this was an awful grandmother whom no one liked. Second of all, many of C's friends had asked S whether they should attend the wake. S's reply? That C's father wouldn't want a bunch of homos showing up at his mother's wake, so no, they shouldn't go. Then some more about how awful this grandmother was. No mention (and perhaps no insight) of C's loss, of his possible need for support, of anything sad associated with this event.

I have no regrets asking Robert to go. I'm so appreciative that he did go. And I wish that for once, S could have just shut up and said thank you. I'm hoping that C said it. A friend to whom I told this story said it on C's behalf.

And S? Every time I think I'm being too hard on him, he reminds me of exactly why I am this way.

OK, I'll stop. Everyone back to Christmas cheer now.