i knew there was a chute around here somewhere

Good news but mostly bad. Juliet sailed through surgery, and yes, woke up on the other side. However, the surgeon said that the results aren't good. Even without a biopsy, the lump is cancerous and extensive. She didn't bother trying to remove even a part of the lump -- she just took a biopsy, knocked off some tooth calculus, and got out.

We know that the lump is growing and that eventually, it'll interfere with Juliet's ability to eat, if we let it go that far.

So I went to pick up the kitty, and swelling had set in, so J now has a googly eye that won't shut completely. And of course, she's very groggy and floppy from the anaesthesia. At home, I made her a fire and set her up in her roaster pan.

I settled in to make some calls. While on the phone, she started spitting blood, and when I looked at her, she reminded me of a vampire who had just fed; it looked like her whole lower mouth was full of blood. So, back to the surgeon we went. The surgeon said that she was getting her teeth tangled in the tumor, and after some discussion said that she has a habit of keeping her animals alive too long, but she'd be inclined to wait at least until tomorrow (which is now today).

She consulted with Dr. Randy and the two of them decided that Dr. Randy and staff could provide kitty day care yesterday afternoon and today. So off we went, and on the way, Matt, the wonder vet tech called and suggested that I might want to sit with her for a while. We got there around 4 and stayed til 9 (an hour past closing time).

Much of the time, I sat with one arm extended the length of Juliet's body. I tried to be fully present and think hard about what she'd want, realizing that she was still under the influence of groggy drugs. Matt and Dr. Randy dropped in a few times, but mostly, it was just the two of us. It reminded me of Mark's last day when I climbed into bed with him and just held him, and tried to make sure that his wishes were represented. It reminded me of so many hospital and hospice vigils I've sat. Ironic, isn't it, that all the human deaths that have touched me have worked to prepare me for Juliet's end time.

During our time together, Juliet seemed to get more comfortable, and she stopped chewing and bleeding. Dr. Randy and I decided that it's not time to put her down quite yet. I'm wondering whether the swelling will recede and if she'll be comfortable beyond today. We'll see.

Last night, we gave her more wood stove time, then brought her to bed. I kept the mattress heating pad on as long as I could stand it and woke both humans up several times to lubricate her still-googly eye. I'll drop her off chez vet this am, then return this afternoon and we'll decide on next steps.

If, before surgery we knew what we know now, we wouldn't have done the surgery. On the other hand, we worked with the information we had at the time, and together made the best decision we knew how to make, with Juliet's best interests at heart. I continue to be astonished by the caring care she's getting and that's washing over me as a side effect. Onward.