bank of america strikes again

Reaching new heights in the realm of alienation, or, we're too big to care

Recently, Bank of America purchased a "private banking" unit from a well-known brokerage house. Someone of my acquaintance is a client of that unit. My advice was to give it all some time -- usually the organization that's taking over works hard to impress and retain the affected employees, not to mention the customers. It often takes a year or two to really get a feel for how things will go (usually downhill, but there's always hope).

But no, as the story unfolded, it turned out that BoA was doing its darndest to infuriate and alienate the new employees even before the takeover. We started hearing rumors of mass defections across the country -- entire senior teams of people leaving for other companies. And then my contact's team left, quite suddenly. A call was placed on a weekend indicating that the departure had happened that Friday; the entire team was starting its new job at a completely different company on the following Monday. The person placing the phone call hadn't even had time to return to the old office.

Of course, when the acquisition was completed, Bank of America issued pronouncements such as: "Our new combined organization is founded on our commitment to build deep, lasting relationships with our clients and their families, supported by our powerful intellectual and financial resources." Yeah, right, whatever.

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Yesterday, as I was driving to work, I heard a radio ad for Bank of America. The first speaker had a southern accent and was talking about how much he loves Boston, but getting only the first few things right. As he started to mention silly wrong things ("the Blue Monster" at Fenway Park), someone with a Boston accent came on to correct him. The whole idea is that Bank of America is cool, hip, with it, and completely local -- totally aware of what's going on in this little neck of the woods. I guess the idea extends to them being a caring, small-town regional bank, not just an uncaring national behemoth.

Except... that the guy with the Boston accent was a fake. I'm not good enough to say exactly what was wrong with his accent, but it was clearly not genuine. I know it's a hard accent to imitate, but aren't there plenty of natives who can do the accent convincingly? Anyone who's lived here more than a few years would be able to spot the disingenuity immediately.

The radio station I was listening to tends to play ads, especially new ones, especially from big companies, over and over again, until you can recite the lines along with the actors. Interestingly, I heard this ad just once despite listening a while longer in the morning and then again during my evening commute.

This ad gets a big fat F for effort. Thank goodness for the small banks around here that actually are local and whose employees do act as if they give a darn.