Reconnecting with an old friend

Today I did something very brave.

Last fall, during the final steps of designing my addition, the builder and I met to comb over the drawings. I called the designer with my list of changes, got a promise that he'd drop by the next day to pick everything up so that he could further refine what he'd done, and then never heard from him again.

At Christmas, I sent what I thought was a nice letter to the designer saying that our friendship was more important than our business relationship, and that to proceed with the former, we merely had to be in touch. Nothing.

I began to wonder whether I'd somehow wounded my friend. In the face of silence, it's hard to know.

Meanwhile, the builder and I forged ahead. We made mental corrections to the drawings, and the builder finished the structural design. (It turns out that the design is interesting enough that it was nearly unbuildable. But cleverness and good software prevailed; my chair now sits on a very solid floor -- the whole rest of the house could fall down, but this floor will still be standing.)

A few weeks ago, the builder urged me to call the designer. (I've said very little about what happened, mostly because I had guesses but didn't really know.) The thing is, it's often hard for me to pick up the phone and call someone, especially after a long silence. Well, even without long silences, it can be hard for me to reach out.

So today I called the designer. He seemed delighted to hear from me and perhaps a little surprised that I'm neither mad nor was I held up by his lack of communication. Turns out he's been in a very rough spot. I really know very little of the history of his rough spots but he seems to be on the mend again. He reports that he's decided to abandon the design field but now wants to work with kids; in all his ups and downs, he says he's never let a child down.

I told him it would give me great pleasure if he'd come see what he's designed. I'm both eager to see him and eager to see his reaction to the near-finished results of his imaginative mind. So with all luck, I'll be seeing my old friend tomorrow morning. That's a small weight off my shoulders.